Quick! Who’s the greatest, super-est, most heroic-ist
superhero of all time.
Not fast enough. And also, wrong. You’re probably thinking
of Superman.
Cause of death: lack of swag
It’s Captain Marvel. He’s much more of a hero than Superman
could ever be.
“But, Vigilante,” you stutter your response like the stunted
half-wit you are, “Superman’s the best there is. He’s got super strength, super
speed, invulnerability, super-intelligence, super-hearing, super-stamina, the
ability to fly, frost breath, heat vision, x-ray vision, and perhaps most
important, his super-nose!”
Not sure I want to know what scent he followed to that alley...
Yeah, I guess he’s alright. Superman is a selfless boy scout
who always does the right thing and he’s a great example of the altruistic,
perfect-role-model hero that gives us all something to look up to. The company
that would later be known as DC did a pretty good job when they invented
Superman in 1938.
He's destroying that car because it's not made in America, dammit!
Captain Marvel’s better. He was created less than 2 years
after Superman by Fawcett Comics, but instead of calling him a Superman rip-off
I prefer to think of him as an improvement.
Superman lifts cars? Captain marvel fucking throws them.
If you look at powers it’s almost a dead heat. Captain
Marvel has the Wisdom of Solomon, Strength of Hercules, Stamina of Atlas, Power
of Zeus, Courage of Achilles, and the Speed of Mercury.
“Holy shit!” You screech whilst soiling yourself, “Solomon
and Zeus? In addition to the powers of multiple Greek Gods and Demigods Captain
Marvel has the wisdom of Solomon?”
Solomon’s a Jewish king from the Hebrew Old Testament, meaning Captain Marvel
has the power of the fucking Bible on
his side.
Plus, Solomon was Jewish so
Captain Marvel must be great with money
If you want to see them duke it out, DC bought the rights to
Captain marvel ages ago and now places him in their universe, so you have this. But, this isn’t about
powers.
You see, Superman is an outer-space alien who happens to
look human. He’s the last remnant of a master race that should be ruling earth
instead of us. From infancy, Superman had the powers of a God among men. His
greatness comes from choosing to use those powers to help humanity rather than
enslave us all. But the problem is, he’s not relatable. He’s not human. He
doesn’t know what it’s like to be weak, human, or fallible. He’s an untouchable
god our children could never hope of making a connection with. Superman was
designed and created in a time where comics were meant for little boys but he
gives children nothing to relate to.
That’s why we got a generation of emo
Batman fans with daddy issues
Captain Marvel, however, is
a little boy.
The perfect
metaphor for puberty
Billy Batson is an average kid who was chosen by an ancient
wizard to become the superpowered force for good. When troubles get too big,
the world is too scary, or there is an injustice to widespread for him to stop,
all Billy Batson has to do is say one word and in a literal flash of lightning,
he becomes Captain Marvel. Billy Batson may not be able to solve the problems
threatening him, but he knows Captain Marvel can.
What kid hasn’t wished they could just grow up in order to
escape curfews, chores, arguing parents, or terrifying life in a broken home? All
the children who read Captain Marvel’s early adventures had an escape, a
fantasy world where a powerless child could instantly “grow up” and escape the
helplessness of life as a child. Superman never had the fears that the average
child did, never experienced a life where he couldn’t just punch his way out of
trouble.
Through Billy Batson and Captain Marvel children have a hero
that is just as powerful, invulnerable, and intrinsically dedicated to good as
Superman, but is miraculously relatable at the same time. Captain Marvel fulfills
the fantasy of exodus from the mundane to the fantasic, where we can become the
hero we wish we were. Captain Marvel is the ultimate escape for children, and
by extension, the child inside all of us. Aren’t we all scared sometimes? We
have so much to fear: bills, economic downturns, serial killers, war, genocide,
and natural disasters. If we could say SHAZAM and instantly have the power to
make all that better, to get rid of the fear in our lives, I bet we’d all do it
without a second thought.
Ask yourself this. Wouldn’t we appreciate the power to change
the world for good much more than someone who’s never known what it’s like to
feel fear and vulnerability?
