I fucking swear, you people gave me herpes of the eye

When did fat girls decide to get on the "I'm gonna pretend I'm in kindergarten again and oil my lardass up so I can squeeze into some leggings" train, don't they know they have no rights? Also, the leggings train can't handle that kind of weight, seriously, get off, you are going to break the fucking train.

There is never a day where I think to myself "I am in way too good of a mood, I hope the offspring of Jabba the Hutt and a yam swerves in front of me while I'm walking so I have to see her flapjack ass slapping around like an old man's sack." Nevertheless, I end up witnessing the rear of what appears to be a sentient mountain of mashed potatoes in jeggings at some inconvenient time, like when I'm on an escalator and have no chance to move up or down or avoid staring at the cataclysm rippling in front of me. All I can do is stand there and taste this morning's waffles rushing up the back of my throat.

All I'm saying is you gotta know your boundaries, people. I don't walk around in a thong because it would inspire mass suicide. I don't tattoo a picture of Steve Jobs dildoing himself with an iphone on my forehead because I'd never get job. I don't wear burnt t-shirts because my nipples aren't as fuzzy as Sting's.

I don't have that soul piercing stare either.

Fat people should be wearing fat people clothes, like giant black trash bags so they can sweat out the pounds, or shirts that say "I'm The Reason They're Starving In Africa & I Don't Give a Fuck." I could respect that. Acknowledge you're fat, grow a sack (not that you could see it with your stomach in the way) and stop wearing fucking leggings. Especially the leopard print ones, not even hookers wear those.

Actually, there is one time that fat girls are allowed to wear leggings: when they're wearing a skirt without underwear and riding a bike. I had to see some chubby chick's cooter at 9 AM while she rode her beach cruiser past me. It looked like someone pressed poodle hair into a mound of Vaseline. I would've killed her for the common good if I hadn't been too busy twitching on the sidewalk and fighting to suppress the memory.