Drinking: Naturally you’re going to be doing this in college. If you’re not drinking, you’re a terrible college student and you should probably just go to ITT Tech, you anti-social mouth-breather. Get used to Keystone, Natty, and other beer that tastes like the water out of a turtle tank. College students have no money, and like hillbillies forced to brew moonshine out of pit sweat and deer entrails, your peers will be willing to drink anything that promises a buzz.
The choice of homeless men everywhere! Make Popov your rubbing alcohol vodka!
That is, unless they’re the dreaded girls from Orange County. The stupid bitches who realized too late in high school that even though their parents could pay for a new Mercedes, they couldn’t bribe the entrance committee at UCLA. These girls are spoiled and often refuse to drink beer. They will instead request whatever liquor you do not currently have in possession. If you have Vodka, they want Rum. If you have Wine, they only drink Sauvignon Blanc from France. They do this merely to eliminate any chance you have of getting them drunk enough to play bumper cars or a little game I like to call ‘The Meatwhistle Symphony in E Minor.” Instead, lower your standards.
Remember, the opposite sex doesn’t get more attractive when you’re drunk, you simply stop caring.
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